The Journey

Last June, I had a dental appointment, needing filling redone. After the procedure, the dentist was going to adjust my bite with the new filling, but since my mouth was still numb, it was difficult for me to tell if it was off. So, I had to wait an hour or so for the anesthetic to wear off. The clinic was nestled among the trees and surrounded by a stream. So on that beautiful day, I took a walk as I waited.

I walked over to the stream and observed its beauty. It was wonderful. I watch the current flow down the stream. It confirmed in me that I prefer rivers and streams then bodies of water. Rivers and streams are always moving, always going somewhere. They turn and twist and you never know what’s around the corner. I ask God to always be moving in my life.

It was a bit chilly as my spot was in the shade, so I continued on.  I followed the stream and continued to admire it as I walked. I found a nice place and stopped again to gaze upon the flow of water. However, I was quickly prodded on once the bugs found me. So I kept walking.

I stopped again as a beautify butterfly flitted around me. I admired its beauty as it danced around me. Then it floated down the trail, in which I naturally took off to follow it. It took one too many turns that I could no longer follow and watched it drift away.

I continued down the trail, in which I found a bridge going over the stream, and it is there where nature revealed its messages to me. The sun shined every so brightly as I stood in warmth looking over the railing at the flowing water down below. I used this time to ponder questions that were going through my mind. I was struggling with the different thoughts on healing. I asked God to teach me something about healing and help sort out the questions in my mind. I did not expect any answers or at least not in the next few moments. 

I turned my focus on the beautiful trees that hugged the stream. It was with those trees, God began to teach me about healing. I sensed him asking me, “What do the trees do?” I thought for a moment and replied, “Grow.” I pondered for awhile about that. “All trees do is grow. They don’t move, they don’t think, they don’t speak. They only thing they do is grow.” God continued to teach me through my thoughts. “They will keep growing as long as they get the right nutrients they need or nothing inhibits their growth.” God reminded me how the human body is very similar. From the moment we were conceived, we constantly have been growing. Even when our body’s frame stops growing, we continue to grow within our bodies. We are constantly growing new cells in our body, replacing old cells with new ones. That is how our bodies heal themselves, given the right environment and nothing impedes it.

Right then it click! Healing is really growing. Growing is really healing. When someone asks to be healed, they are really asking to grow. When someone wants to help heal another, they really want to help that person grow. So, whether I am physically healed or not, my focus should be on growth.

That answer satisfied my inquiries and thanked God for speaking with me. I thought our conversation was over, but He proceeded to discuss the summer’s camp theme – Journey.

God reminded me of the events that took place on this little journey I had walking along the stream. I initially stood at the river bank admiring it’s wonderment; however, several things pushed me along to keep going. First, it was the chilled wind and then the bugs. So, I realized that value of the discomfort; it kept me moving forward on the journey. But then he also reminded me that I was prompted to keep moving by the butterfly. Beauty and wonderment also have the ability to keep us moving forward.

From there, I begin to ponder more about things that keep us moving forward and things that keep us stuck. Fear was the first thing that came to mind. We often are afraid to move forward, not knowing what’s ahead. Fear keeps us locked and frozen where we are. The picture that came to mind was being trapped in a burning house. I could be deathly afraid of jumping out the window or pacing through flames to get out of the house. I may be filled with so much fear that I literally may physically freeze, unable to move to safety. That fear would keep me stuck, unable to escape the inevitable death. On the other hand it could be that very fear that actually drives us! In the same picture of a being trapped in a burning house, a strong fear of death could propel me to move, and move fast.

I thought of another scenario, much like the last. However, instead of a burning house, the picture that came to me was an oncoming bear. Once again, that fear can move us or freeze us. If I see an approaching bear, my fear may cause me not to move, but drop and play dead. Which, is a potential safe option. That fear, once again, could be so overwhelming that I completely freeze, unable to do anything. Now, for some, that fear may also drive someone to move. I may see a nearby building that offered a safe place. So, that fear would push me to move to safety.

That brought up another thing that has the ability to move us, as well as, freeze us; safety. We often think of the concept of safety as something that keeps us from moving. I’m in a safe place, I don’t want to move. However, safety can also drive us. If that bear is behind me and I am able to make it to a safe place, I’m going to move! If the house is on fire, I need to move to a safer place.

I began to think of the many things that move or freeze us. Comfort, love, wonderment, excitement, pain, and the list can go on. My natural tendency was to then ask, “Is moving forward always good? Is freezing bad? In the instant of seeing a bear, dropping to the ground and freezing is probably the best option. Not moving is actually purposeful. However, once the bear is long gone, staying frozen is no longer needed and unproductive. There are definitely moments when we need to move and when we need to stay still.

Most of these thoughts revolved around the concept of safety. What is the safest? My logical response to the good and bad of moving forward was solely based on safety. So, I wanted to ask those questions again without answering them on the basis of safety.

That brought me back to the concept of growth. Moving forward is good if it grows us closer to God and, likewise, staying still is good if that grows us closer to God. In essence, that is how we should judge whether anything is good or bad. Does it make us grow closer to God? Are we growing? Are we being healed? I believe God gives us each a different Journey, moving us forward, keeping us still, taking steps backwards with the use of discomfort or pleasure... whatever we need to help us grow closer to him.

(Thanks Dr. Cook for such a beautiful place to be!)

New step

Here we are at the onset of the new year. Thought that some things would be different but pretty much everything happened just the way the sponsor always says "people get pretty much what they sign up for" maybe that's the wisdom that I have been looking for, maybe that's the big break that I have been looking. That's just the softer version of saying that we are manufactures of our own misery. I think somewhere out in information land someone said something like such as a man thinks so is he. With that said I think that I may need more help this year than I thought because those patterns of thought are hard to break. I thing I like what Oswald Chambers says in today's devotion. "Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ." Thanks for being with me for the year may this next year bring more "Bury wisdom".

A GIFT

The formation of community is the intricate, patient, painful work of the Holy Spirit. We cannot buy or make community; we can only offer ourselves to become community.
                            -Larry Crabb-

Just participating in relationship and connection I become a gift. Just "suiting up and showing up" is the hard part for me today.  The messy part of spiritual relationship is enough to make me minimize risk or play it safe. The messy spiritual life, the unknown, the powerless situations the sudden disturbance of all that I thought was going good in my life. The crazy intent that lashes forth when things are not going how I thought they should. That same resentment that never goes away no matter how much prayer is given for that person  place or thing. That person  you really don't care for and you don't understand why but there they are and suddenly the gift of gab has left. Even though I experience the messy spiritual life being a part of community I become that needed and valuable asset to others the only requirement is my participation and connection.   

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Friendship

"To be so much in contact with God that you never need to ask Him to show you His will, is to be nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of faith. When you are rightly related to God, it is a life of freedom and liberty and delight, you are God’s will, and all your commonsense decisions are His will for you. The point of asking is that you may get to know God better."
                        Oswald Chambers, (1927). My Utmost for His Highest

The greatest thing to have in life is a good friend. One that has been with you in good times and bad. The hard work for me today is to keep working at those relationships even just the thought will go a long ways. Its hard for me to understand that God wants to be that for me. Today is one of those days when I have understood how happy that makes me.

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Silence

What a privilege it has been to be able to quiet the self and mind. I think of the busyness that causes me to live in silence to those that I love.

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Hard of Hearing

How does one just hear well? They used to say get the cotton out of your ears. Listening is an active skill for me. I do plenty of hearing but sometimes I choose to not listen. I think my wife  is the first person to experience life with me when I have do not listen. Our ability to connect and sometimes just accomplish daily tasks is hard when I do not have my listening ears on. My travels in the Holy Scripture this week have brought me to  (Proverbs 6:22, KJV ). It instructs me how to give God the night key to my heart. That night key is the Word of God. Solomon states, “When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee” (Proverbs 6:22, kjv). This is a summary of the relationship between conscious meditation and subconscious meditation, and of its relation to our daily walk.

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How Joni & Friends Has Impacted My Life!

             I thought I was going to serve, but I ended up being served. I thought I was going to help the needy, but I realized I was the needy one and was helped. I realized that people with disabilities have value and many gifts that most of society overlooks. These are some of the thoughts I learned from my involvement with Joni & Friends (JAF). In so many ways, JAF has impacted my life.

 Let me give you a brief history of events that has lead to these life-changing moments in my life. When I was a junior in high school, the infamous question was, “What are you going to go to college for?” I really didn’t know and often replied, “Maybe Accounting?” I realized I didn’t have a clue and asked God to help me figure it out since he created me and knew me best.

Shortly after asking God to help me out, I had a strong urge to read a book. This was very unlike me, as I was not a book reader and hated reading unless I had to. However, for some reason, I had this strong urge that brought me to my parents’ bookshelf, looking for a book to read. I came across one titled Joni that had a picture of a gal with a paintbrush in her mouth. It looked interesting. I pulled it out and asked my mom if it was a good book. She told me it was, so I took it to my room and began reading.

Joni’s story captivated me and I could not put the book down. She wrote about her diving accident and her newly found life with quadriplegia. She wrote about her long road in rehab and the many challenges she faced. She wrote about her therapists that helped her regain function and retrained her how to do daily, as well as recreational, activities again.  One of those recreational activities included drawing and painting. Joni learned to draw with her mouth since she could no longer use her hands like she did before. At that point in the book, I said to myself, “Now that would be a cool job!”

From that moment, I pursued a degree in Occupational Therapy. I went to college for 6 years to obtain my Master’s at Concordia University Wisconsin, just north of Milwaukee. In 2001, I found out that Joni was going to speak at a conference in Wheaton IL. I had to go!

That conference changed my life. There were hundreds of people there with and without disabilities. I never have been in a place with so many people with disabilities before. It was powerful, especially as we sang. I saw people singing with all their hearts, uninhibited, and genuinely real. No fakeness, no facades.  I saw people full of joy and happiness even though their lives were full of struggles.  I felt a joy and a love fill the room that I never felt before. Joni spoke and also sang beautifully. I was able to meet Joni after the conference. I had her sign my book and told her that her story inspired me to pursue a career in Occupational Therapy.  She was excited for me and praised the therapists that helped in rehab.

Also at the conference, there was a recruiter (Jon Ebersole) at a booth recruiting people for their Family Retreats and Wheels for The World programs. I was very interested and took the information. However, being in college and working, I was unable to get to a retreat until after I graduated. 

In college however, pursued working in the disability community as a secretary of the Milwaukee chapter of the National Spinal Cord Injury Association. There I made several friends with disabilities and began learning what life was like for people with disabilities.  I also had my student fieldwork experience in a hospital with a spinal cord injury rehab unit.

In 2004, I finally made it to my first Family Retreat at The Oakwood Inn in Syracuse, IN.  It was one of the most life-changing weeks of my life. I was matched with a girl close to my age with Cerebral Palsy named Lauren. We hit it off well from the start. I learned she was a lot like me, with similar interests and struggles in life. She ended up teaching me more than I think I taught her. For the first time, I experienced first hand that people with disabilities had a lot to offer and value overlooked by most. From that moment, I would forever seek to surround myself with people with disabilities. Lauren and I grew our friendship over the years to come and we are still friends today.  JAF became a family to me right away and continued to grow stronger every year.

I would drive 8 hours from Green Bay, WI to JAF Retreats the every summer, being the highlight of my year.  I searched for opportunities in my hometown and home church to connect with people with disabilities. At the time, I struggled finding them. Eventually, my brother gave me a brochure for a camp for people with disabilities asking, “Have you ever heard of Camp Daniel?” I said, “No,” taking the brochure and seeing the address was in Athelstane, WI. Just an hour north of where I was living! This was in my own backyard! It was in during the winter months, so it was a long ways off until their summer camps. However, I looked on their website and saw that they met in Green Bay once a month for a church service called The Able Fellowship. It was a church service for and run by people with disabilities. That concept never crossed my mind before and it intrigued me.  I anxiously awaited their next meeting January of 2007.

My first time at The Able Fellowship was amazing. Two people with disabilities happily greeted me at the door.  Others with disabilities helped lead the prayer and singing. It was truly nothing like I’ve experienced before. It was most real and genuine church service I’ve ever been to. 

I continued to attend The Able Fellowship each month until finally the summer camp season began. That June, I served two weeks with Joni & Friends Retreat once again. It was amazing as always and so good to see my JAF family. When I returned, I couldn’t wait to serve at and see Camp Daniel’s summer camp.

That year, Camp Daniel’s camp theme was “Family”. It was a very fitting theme as it was during that summer that God led me to join the Camp Daniel family.  I joined their missionary staff, where I have been serving as a fulltime missionary within the disability community ever since.

            Camp Daniel was named after a boy named Daniel who had a form of muscular dystrophy and was called in to ministry at a young age. Daniel was friends with Joni and impacted the disability community in many ways, just like her.

After Daniel passed away in his young 20s, Camp Daniel was developed in 1996 with summer camps and Christian family group homes.  The Able Fellowship transpired after several years of having campers come to camp, beginning a relationship with God, and have no spiritual connection or church family to connect with when returning home. Summer camp ended up being most of the camper’s only church connection all year long. The Able Fellowship eventually evolved into a weekly church service called, The Able Church, in which I played a vital role in its formation. Its leadership of its members with disabilities continues to grow. It even has a pastor with an intellectual disability, naturally teaching the Bible simplistically so its members can understand.

Today, my husband and two-year-old son join me as fulltime missionaries in disability ministry. We run a group home and help run the summer camps with Camp Daniel. We are currently in the process of starting The Able Church in another community near by. We speak at churches, colleges, schools, and Bible studies about the value of people with disabilities and their importance within the church. Special Olympics have also been a huge part of our lives. We continue to serve with Joni & Friends retreats as leaders for the young adult group. Joni & Friends retreats have been a dear family for us with the relationships we’ve made with other volunteers and attending families.  We hope to someday serve on a Wheels for the World trip and also at a Warrior Getaway (my husband served in the Marines).

Joni & Friends has guided my life in so many ways. It has guided my jobs, my mission, my thoughts and most importantly, my relationships.  Without JAF, I would not have realized the value of people with disabilities, much less sought them out as friends. I would not have sought disability ministry as a full-time, life-long commitment. It would not be my mission to see churches filled with people with disabilities. JAF has played a huge role in who and where I am today, and I will be forever grateful! www.joniandfriends.org

Burys in MT

Hello from MT! Marceaux and I are coming to the end of our 2 weeks in Bozeman MT, Marceaux's home town and where his parents live. Here is MJ's first plane ride! All went well minus a diaper explosion right before take off and having them wait for us as we changed MJ on the smallest changing table and smallest bathroom ever!

 We are here for two reasons. A big reason is to spend time with family and, boy, are Grandma & Grandpa having fun with MJ!

We are also here as participants in the week long Global Out Reach Conference at Marceaux's home church, Grace Bible Church.

Here we are standing in front of our Camp Daniel display during the conference. We were among 24 other domestic and overseas missionaries personally attending the conference. Altogether, Grace sponsors over 50 different missionaries/missions.

We have had many wonderful opportunities to share about Camp Daniel and disability ministry. We were the guest speakers for one of Grace's home Bible studies. What we had to share helped them understand the need for people with disabilities within the church and challenged them to intentionally build relationships with people with disabilities. Many responded that they never considered the things we shared before, but now will have open eyes to build such a relationship.

We also spoke to the youth group at Grace Bible Church. This was an awesome opportunity to speak to middle and high school students about disability. We shared the importance of and how to make friends with people with disabilities. We offered the opportunity to come for our Counselor in Training program as counselors.

We had many opportunities to speak with other missionaries and congregation members through several luncheons and receptions. People were very interested in what we do and our conversations made them think about how to include disability in their lives/ministries.

Last Saturday was a full day of workshops and speakers related to missions. Marceaux and I attended classes on Missionary Care - 1) Dealing with loss in missions, 2) Dealing with stress on the missions field 3) Transitioning with cross cultural re-entry and 4) debriefing after a traumatic incident on the field. Even though, most of what was covered was related to overseas missions,  we were able to relate to a lot of it! Not only was this information helpful to us personally, we feel this training will be  useful to the rest of our missionary staff at Camp Daniel.

Gathering with other missionaries was very encouraging. We were able to talk about things like the struggles in fundraising, giving up traditional jobs and lives, and other struggles living the missionary life. Though we could not relate fully to an overseas missionary, we related in many ways. We also connected with many state side missionaries. One thing we really walked away with is a deeper appreciation for the Camp Daniel family. Most missionaries are out serving alone and it seems like many missionaries have to take on a "every missionary for themselves" attitude with little support from their mission's agencies. We are grateful that we have a staff that is family; watching out for and caring for each other deeply.

Connecting with missionaries from all over the world was insightful to us on how most countries treat those with disabilities. Most of them do not care for those with disabilities and if they do it is in very poor conditions. (Going beyond not caring, many outcast them or kill them at birth). We were approached by native pastor from Ukraine, wanting us to come teach the churches there that people with disabilities are valuable and are needed in the church. He said there was one church that had a separate service for people with disabilities but nothing like The Able Church where members use their gifts and lead functions of the church. He really wants us to come and share that. Most of the churches there and most of society there do not include people with disabilities.

A U.S. missionary to Ukraine also approached us to come work in the orphanages where most of those with disabilities are kept in cribs all day long. I kept asking her why they were kept in bed all day? She kept giving me different answers and expressing the severity of their disability. And I would reply, "And why are they kept in bed all day?" It came down to the fact they were understaffed and can't get everyone up. But the bigger picture is a lack of value. If they valued these people, there would be more staff and they would be able to get them out of bed. The only thing that should keep someone in bed all day is the lack of consciousness or the flu. Anyways, she would love to have us come and teach them what we do and take them on outings, etc, help bring up the value of people with disabilities. Definitely, something to pray about!

Other engagements we've had include meeting with family, friends, supporters and those interested in disability ministry.

We also had the opportunity to meet with the Mission's board in order to update them with our lives and the ministry happening at Camp Daniel. Grace Bible Church has been very supportive of us and what we do and we are grateful. Simply being recognized as missionaries is encouraging to us. We even got to cash in on some free marital counselor to help keep us sane and healthy on the field. Thank you!

Of all our meetings, the most dear to us was meeting with the short term missions team from Grace that came out to serve at Camp Daniel last summer! We had the team over at Marceaux's parents for lunch and to tell stories, share pictures and debrief from last summer's camp experience. It was a wonderful time. One of the gals said it meant a lot to her to see pictures and listen to each other's experience with disability since camp. She said eventually after camp and coming home she began to forget her experiences and this gathering was a great reminder of what she learned at camp and relationships she made. It was also wonderful to see Ray & Julie Gossack, the team leaders. Julie is preparing for a very intense chemo procedure March 24th. Please keep her in your prayers!!!

We are pursuing another team from Grace to come out and serve this summer. So amongst all the engagements we have had, we also have been recruiting another missions team to come serve this summer!

Though we hate to say good -bye, we are excited to come home to family and friends in WI, except for the fact its below zero weather remains! Thank you Camp Daniel for allowing us to get away and filling our shoes. Thank you Grace Bible Church for your encouragement and opportunities you allowed us! Thank you Mom & Dad Bury for your hospitality and all the free baby sitting!

Spiritual backbone

It comes time to pass on what was given to me. Time to teach my young child. Where do I start?
Respect or honor or obedience maybe trust. Well I think that I will be his servant and let him desire for himself.

                                          Marceaux

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Power & Action

It is the “how” of getting rid of sin if you are earnest about doing it at all: face it, snare it, surrender it. Hate it, forsake it confess it, and restore for it. Shoemaker was adamant that Christianity has a moral backbone. It is not, he said, about “good deeds” alone. It is not about “service” alone. It is not alone about the standards of the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount, or other rules for appropriate  moral conduct in the Bible. Nor is it just about the elimination of sin. It is about using the power of the spirit of God, received from on high in rebirth, in order to live and prosper according to God’s will as laid down in the Bible and as given to man by revelation from God."
Rev. Sam Shoemaker

Rev. Sam Shoemaker an Episcopalian minister who was a major influence  in the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. Its  about that power. The power to do what my spirit wants and not my flesh. The power to keep on task when things are not going the way I think they should. The power to have relationship with those difficult people. The power to look at my failure as opportunity for growth. Power to get dirty with someone soul dealing with the sin in our lives. All this power is available all I have to do is ask Jesus and He will fulfill that need. Thank Jesus for that need because its that need that has given me purpose.

MARCEAUX

Happy Blogger

Here it is hot off the blogging press.

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Happy Blogger

Hey blog world. I am trying to blog those things that are valuable. I just got everything running smoothly.

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Stop and Think

Job 37:14 NIRV
"Job, listen to me. Stop and think about the wonderful things God does.
What a simple request for me today. How difficult it is just to find some solitude and comfort from my own thinking. My desires I have let wander and my affections are always on the wrong things. My time is spend securing the things that I  need and whats left is given away grudgingly.
How great it is to stop and take it all in. My life is a whirl wind with a toddler then all of a sudden he slows down with you and those intimate embraces are the best. I wish I could live a million years in the embrace of my one and a half year old. The last diaper that I change will be a heart breaker because those days will never be again. Its "those days" that
I always want to live in but I am finding out with my son is that "those days" are now in the present. They are best celebrated slowly.

Moved by God

                Men run from your arguments about God, they will not listen to your elaborate explanations; but when you tell them what life was without God, and then tell them what it is with Him, their hearts,              as John Wesley said, are “ strangely warmed," and their minds also are strangely persuaded. . .        . Then Jesus gave them His answer to John. . . . He just gathered up in a cascade of living words the living deeds He and        they had been seeing, and said, “Go your way and tell John what things ye have seen and heard; how that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised , to the poor the gospel is preached”. It was proof by evidence. They had seen these people themselves.

                                                Sam Shoemaker, National Awakening, p. 28.

The friendship and communication that I experience with our brothers and sisters of Able Church require that things be easy or concrete. That's so great because I need that basic teaching more than anyone else. The basics is where its at. I am drilled by my friends in recovery a message of pragmatism, is what your doing working. The message is quite urgent because if what I do does not work then I take that huge leap in front of that old freight train called death.
I think that daily I am looking for that small little touch that will take me from my flesh or satisify my mind so that I can move in the right direction. The direction into Gods will. Its refreshing when simplicity match concrete practical action. In my life that happens when I open up my heart to a person with a disability. So in your travels today look for that situation and at that moment you will experience a little nudge from the maker himself Jesus Christ.

Important Stuff

Here goes another blog. I have the privilege of being with my family this week. They came from Montana with a missionary team from my church and my nephew. Healing and change was brought to the Bury family even sent ripples of healing through the generations. My father experienced what I have given my life to do. He was thrilled but agreed that it was tough work. I think my mother has settled deeper in the acceptance of disability as Gods divine plan and not a mistake, punishment or sin. Her friendship with Jesus is more clear than before. The interaction with the campers at Camp Daniel and sharing her life with her grandson at camp as a councilor has given her freedom and joy.

                     .Matthew 6:33 NIRV
But put Gods kingdom first. Do what he wants you to do.. Then all of those things will also be given to you.

Thought I needed to do a blog today. Nothing but communication and friendship. I always wanted to blog like I was talking with an old friend or an uncle maybe even loaded with my own hyperbole. That's great maybe even my own dialect or just pure me. Whats been going on in my head lately, well great amounts of stuff. Life is packed with raising a child and communicating with my wife on new levels. The ministry is huge more to do than I can handle. I am always being stretched doing things than I would not rather be doing. Have been hiding the word in my heart or meditation. Problem is that the mind sputters and is undisciplined, I have an obese mind. The mediation has been on II Corinthians 10:3-5. The great thing is my life is what I signed up for today full of challenges heartaches. My task is to stay thankful.

Grow, Expectation, or Counselor Meeting

The title for this blog could be any of those three. This blog post is way overdue. These are my thoughts and what I learned from last summer’s camp season.

At our counselor meetings each week, Little Tony asks what we are going through and what we are learning. With a 6-week-old baby, I did not get to many meetings, but I did get to some. At the last meeting of the last camp I had planned out in my head what I would share. However, it ended up being one of those long meetings where everyone wanted to share. When Tony asked if there was anyone else that wanted to share, I didn’t share in order to let others share and keep the night from going on forever.

Our camp theme for the summer was “Grow”.  So, for four weeks I meditated on that theme and the Lord taught me some things about growth.

This camp was a different camp for me having a 6-week-old baby. Everything was new for me and a bit difficult, too. Our boy, MJ, had what people call Colic. Call it whatever, he was fussy, always wanting to be held and bounced.  MJ also wanted me to stand when I held him; I could never sit. I was exhausted. People supported me as much as possible and would tell me, “Hang in there, Jen.” Then I found myself responding and saying, “He’ll grow out of it.”

That phrase “He’ll grow out of it” lingered in my head for quite awhile, seeing how “Grow” was the theme of the summer. I thought about some of the campers that had some pretty irritating behaviors. I thought about their families and others that are with them daily. Those that don’t get a break with behaviors that never seems to change. I began to understand how they might feel.

Soon, I began to wonder why my boy will “grow out of ” his exhausting and irritating behaviors and why it seems so many people with intellectual disabilities do not. The word “Expectation” came to mind. One reason babies and kids go through phases and grow out of them is because we Expect them to. At some point, they are expected to sleep though the night, wean off the bottle, get rid of their blankets or dolls, stop their whining, etc. If given a choice and nobody expected us to change, we probably all would still engage in those things.

I think people often don’t expect those with intellectual disabilities to grow and change. People will say, “They can’t help it. It’s their disability. They are not capable.” They will let them continue in an inappropriate behavior. They will continue to pick up after them, fix the broken pieces, and let them get away with wrong. They will excuse a behavior and not expect anything different. 

Now, expectation is not the only thing needed to grow and change. My boy did not stop being colicky, simply because I expected him to. I continued to support him and give him the things he needed. I helped remove the things that irritated him. I helped give him the tools he needed to deal with his circumstance. I believe that is another huge piece that is often missing for people with intellectual disabilities. A lot of their emotional, physical and spiritual needs are not met. They are not given the tools needed to deal with life and to grow. They are not expected to grow or change.

So, what I learned was that we all need a community of people around us who can support us, give us the tools we need, be patient with us and EXPECT us to change and grow.