The title for this blog could be any of those three. This
blog post is way overdue. These are my thoughts and what I learned from last
summer’s camp season.
At our counselor meetings each week, Little Tony asks what
we are going through and what we are learning. With a 6-week-old baby, I did not
get to many meetings, but I did get to some. At the last meeting of the last camp I had planned out in my head what I would share. However, it ended up being one
of those long meetings where everyone wanted to share. When Tony asked if there
was anyone else that wanted to share, I didn’t share in order to let others
share and keep the night from going on forever.
Our camp theme for the summer was “Grow”. So, for four weeks I meditated on that theme
and the Lord taught me some things about growth.
This camp was a different camp for me having a 6-week-old
baby. Everything was new for me and a bit difficult, too. Our boy, MJ, had what
people call Colic. Call it whatever, he was fussy, always wanting to be held
and bounced. MJ also wanted me to stand
when I held him; I could never sit. I was exhausted. People supported me as
much as possible and would tell me, “Hang in there, Jen.” Then I found myself
responding and saying, “He’ll grow out of it.”
That phrase “He’ll grow out of it” lingered in my head for quite
awhile, seeing how “Grow” was the theme of the summer. I thought about some of
the campers that had some pretty irritating behaviors. I thought about their
families and others that are with them daily. Those that don’t get a break with
behaviors that never seems to change. I began to understand how they might feel.
Soon, I began to wonder why my boy will “grow out of ” his
exhausting and irritating behaviors and why it seems so many people with
intellectual disabilities do not. The word “Expectation” came to mind. One
reason babies and kids go through phases and grow out of them is because we Expect them to. At some point, they are
expected to sleep though the night, wean off the bottle, get rid of their
blankets or dolls, stop their whining, etc. If given a choice and nobody
expected us to change, we probably all would still engage in those things.
I think people often don’t expect those with intellectual
disabilities to grow and change. People will say, “They can’t help it. It’s
their disability. They are not capable.” They will let them continue in an
inappropriate behavior. They will continue to pick up after them, fix the
broken pieces, and let them get away with wrong. They will excuse a behavior
and not expect anything different.
Now, expectation is not the only thing needed to grow and
change. My boy did not stop being colicky, simply because I expected him to. I
continued to support him and give him the things he needed. I helped remove the
things that irritated him. I helped give him the tools he needed to deal with
his circumstance. I believe that is another huge piece that is often missing
for people with intellectual disabilities. A lot of their emotional, physical
and spiritual needs are not met. They are not given the tools needed to deal
with life and to grow. They are not expected to grow or change.
So, what I learned was that we all need a community of
people around us who can support us, give us the tools we need, be patient with
us and EXPECT us to change and grow.
