Thankfulness.
As the Thanksgiving season is approaching, there has been an increase discussion about thankfulness. Obviously, it is easy to be thankful for the good things in our life, but it is often difficult to be thankful for the hard things in life. We may say we are thankful, but are we really?
As we prayed in our last staff meeting, I distinctly remember thanking the Lord for my pregnancy struggles. I have been struggling severely with nausea and other unpleasant side effects of pregnancy. Unable to eat, not able to go number 2, bloated and vomiting, came to a climax last week. I have not been able to enjoy food for the past 3 months. Needless to say, it took a lot of effort and convincing to say that prayer. After my prayer, I remember thinking to myself, "Jen, you are just saying that because you are suppose to." It wasn't until last Friday night that prayer became more of a reality.
Last Friday night at The Able Church, Pastor Tim had called up Molly to share about her Christmas plan for The Able Church to buy an animal for a family in need in a third world country. After Molly sat down, Pastor Tim called me up. It didn't register at first that he was calling on me. But when I realized he wanted me up front, I panicked a bit and thought, "Was I suppose to prepare something?" But then he proceeded to explain to the group how I have been struggling physically with my pregnancy. He wanted everyone as a group to gather around me to pray for me.
The members of The Able Church are very eager to pray for each other's needs and care for them. At least 15 people jumped out of their seats and gathered all round me, pushing their way in to try to touch me and laying hands on my belly. I was overwhelmed by the flood of love and care. (Even as I type this, I am overwhelmed with tears rolling down my face).
No, I was not instantly healed. I actually got nauseous on the way home and still struggling a bit (though things are better than last week!). I may struggle with this all the way through. However, last Friday night standing in that circle, there was a different healing. A peace was given to me that no matter what happens, I have a loving community around me. We will raise our child with so many people loving him/her and praying for him/her. It joyfully overwhelmed me to think about raising our child in the center of the disability community with the love and care he/she will receive. At that moment, a deep sincere feeling of thankfulness filled me. I am thankful for The Able Church, I am thankful for the Camp Daniel community, I'm thankful for my family...and at that moment, I truly experienced thankfulness for my pregnancy struggles so I could experience that love, care and peace that night.
The Burys
Monday, November 21, 2011
In The Womb - Vol. 2
Parallels
I tend to try to find parallels of the physical things in this world that may teach us about spiritual things. I will think of common everyday things and see if there is a deeper meaning or parallel to something spiritual. For example, the fall and rise of the sun everyday could symbolize the death and resurrection of Christ. Maybe the reason we have to sleep at night is so we can experience His death and resurrection everyday.
Now, I don't know how true those things are and don't attempt to explain God and why He does things. Nor do I try to spiritualize every little thing in life. However, it is fun to think about. We do know in the Bible Jesus spoke in parables and used every day, common things like seeds and gardening to explain the Christian life.
This past week has been a real struggle being pregnant. Being nauseous, unable to eat, unable to go number 2, bloated and vomiting came to its climax. I have not been able to enjoy food for about 3 months. Needless to say, I've been trying to come up with a good reason/parallel for this horrid struggle. Last Monday night, I sat rocking in my favorite chair, with my hands on my belly trying to seek comfort and relief. Moaning, I said to my baby, "Baby, what is it you need?" And a small unheard whisper simply said, "Rest." That I know the baby needed rest. I've been busy with Special Olympics tournaments, church and working extra hours at a clinic. So I said, "Okay, Baby, you got my attention. I will rest."
Immediately, I thought about how many times the Lord finally gets our attention when we are faced with pain and struggles. We do all we can to seek relief before crying out to him and asking, "What is it You want me to do?" And the Lord will simply reply, "Rest." Our physical struggles call us to rest, just as our spiritual struggles and hardships call us to rest. And that was my first parallel.
My second parallel was a little more profound for me. As I was still sitting in my rocking chair with my hands on my belly, Psalm 139 came to mind "You knit me together in my mother's womb." Instantly I was overwhelmed with the sense of the Lord's presence. Just under my hands, the Lord's hands were putting together my baby. Though I know the Lord is always with me and near me, I never felt so close to Him as I did in that moment. It overwhelmed me so much, I shuttered to think of the reality of being so close to him.
Immediately, I thought about Daniel in the Bible. After he was given visions from the Lord, he lay extremely exhausted and weak. It was such an intense spiritual experience, it left him physically ailed. People throughout the Bible feared being in the presence of God, covering their heads, falling to the ground, and even died if they approached/touch God’s presence inappropriately (The Ark of the Covenant, the temple).
So that is my second parallel. With the Lord's hands ever so close to me, forming the baby in my belly, His presence is overwhelmingly too intense. It is such a spiritual experience that it is physically exhausting and ailing.
Again, I'm not going to take a theological stance on these ideas and I understand that no where would scripture support this idea. It may just be my way of coping and making sense of pregnancy pains. I do know God promised women struggles with labor, period. However, I also know that the Lord's hand is on me, forming that little baby. And feeling the Lord's closeness during the struggle makes the entire struggle worth it.
I tend to try to find parallels of the physical things in this world that may teach us about spiritual things. I will think of common everyday things and see if there is a deeper meaning or parallel to something spiritual. For example, the fall and rise of the sun everyday could symbolize the death and resurrection of Christ. Maybe the reason we have to sleep at night is so we can experience His death and resurrection everyday.
Now, I don't know how true those things are and don't attempt to explain God and why He does things. Nor do I try to spiritualize every little thing in life. However, it is fun to think about. We do know in the Bible Jesus spoke in parables and used every day, common things like seeds and gardening to explain the Christian life.
This past week has been a real struggle being pregnant. Being nauseous, unable to eat, unable to go number 2, bloated and vomiting came to its climax. I have not been able to enjoy food for about 3 months. Needless to say, I've been trying to come up with a good reason/parallel for this horrid struggle. Last Monday night, I sat rocking in my favorite chair, with my hands on my belly trying to seek comfort and relief. Moaning, I said to my baby, "Baby, what is it you need?" And a small unheard whisper simply said, "Rest." That I know the baby needed rest. I've been busy with Special Olympics tournaments, church and working extra hours at a clinic. So I said, "Okay, Baby, you got my attention. I will rest."
Immediately, I thought about how many times the Lord finally gets our attention when we are faced with pain and struggles. We do all we can to seek relief before crying out to him and asking, "What is it You want me to do?" And the Lord will simply reply, "Rest." Our physical struggles call us to rest, just as our spiritual struggles and hardships call us to rest. And that was my first parallel.
My second parallel was a little more profound for me. As I was still sitting in my rocking chair with my hands on my belly, Psalm 139 came to mind "You knit me together in my mother's womb." Instantly I was overwhelmed with the sense of the Lord's presence. Just under my hands, the Lord's hands were putting together my baby. Though I know the Lord is always with me and near me, I never felt so close to Him as I did in that moment. It overwhelmed me so much, I shuttered to think of the reality of being so close to him.
Immediately, I thought about Daniel in the Bible. After he was given visions from the Lord, he lay extremely exhausted and weak. It was such an intense spiritual experience, it left him physically ailed. People throughout the Bible feared being in the presence of God, covering their heads, falling to the ground, and even died if they approached/touch God’s presence inappropriately (The Ark of the Covenant, the temple).
So that is my second parallel. With the Lord's hands ever so close to me, forming the baby in my belly, His presence is overwhelmingly too intense. It is such a spiritual experience that it is physically exhausting and ailing.
Again, I'm not going to take a theological stance on these ideas and I understand that no where would scripture support this idea. It may just be my way of coping and making sense of pregnancy pains. I do know God promised women struggles with labor, period. However, I also know that the Lord's hand is on me, forming that little baby. And feeling the Lord's closeness during the struggle makes the entire struggle worth it.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Fatherhood
Have been thinking about how my life will take on a new direction. Ready or not I will receive the greatest gift that a person could receive, the gift of life. Looked at a father with his two year old young daughter and I found out that I could not wait for the day to arrive when I would have a child like that. I get overwhelmed with joy when I answer the question " Marceaux what has Jesus done in your life lately? " I think back at a period in my life when answering that question fostered resentment in my heart. I walked those long and boring laps around Mt. Sinai. Had a fella pour his heart to me while I was attending college. He expressed that life really was not opening up its doors for him and at the time those doors for me were closed as well. Well the difference is that Jesus has brought that fresh newness to my life, He has opened the doors once again. The great thing is that with the open door is the moral courage to walk through it into fatherhood. Thank you Jesus. Its been a long road.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
In The Womb
Being pregnant with our first child, I have jumped into a whole new world of experiences and lessons. I have learned a lot about my body and the many, many issues and concerns people have bringing a baby into the world. Overall, I have been shocked by the general attitude our society has for people with disabilities.
I have an app on my phone from The Babycenter. It tells me each day what stage of development our baby is in. It also gives helpful suggestions to help prepare you emotionally and physically. On the 4th week, the topic was the first prenatal visit to the MD. It talked about the "genetic and birth defect history" that is taken and screenings. It explains that these tests inform you about “your baby’s risk for Down syndrome as well as other chromosomal problems and birth defects.” In another place it states, “Many parents-to-be worry that their developing baby may have Down syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality. Screening tests help you assess your baby’s chances of having this kind of problem.” So the first thing I am taught is that having Down syndrome is a “problem”. Further in the article, it continues to talk about “chromosomal abnormality”. It calls them “Biological errors”. Now I am taught that having Down syndrome is an “error”.
It goes on to say, “a woman who conceives a baby with an abnormal number of chromosomes will miscarry, usually early in pregnancy.” Then it says that “Down Syndrome is the most common chromosomal abnormality babies can be born with.” Hmmmm. So if babies developing in the womb with Down Syndrome do not miscarry, maybe they are meant to be born and they are not Biological Errors, problems or abnormal!
I borrowed a medical text book about pregnancy and birth from a friend of mine who is a nurse. Paging through this book that weighs about 12 pounds, I came across a section called “Medical Risks”. It was specifically under a section for mothers over 35. It reads, “The risk of conceiving a child with Down syndrome increases with age”. It went on to talk about the prescreenings for Down syndrome and again states, “increased risk of having a baby with Down syndrome.
So all our medical professionals are taught that having a Down syndrome is a risk, a problem, an error, and abnormal. How do you think the common lay person gets told by these professionals that their child has Down syndrome? In most cases, they are told something like this, “Sorry, to tell you…your baby has Down Syndrome.” And parents begin believing that it is a bad thing.
When we went for our first prenatal visit, the message was clear that having a child with abnormalities was not a good thing. The nurse went through a very extensive family medical history with the majority of the questions asking about these “chromosomal/birth defects”. Is there a history of Down syndrome, mental disabilities, Autism, or other birth defects? We were informed of the many prescreenings we could have to test for these defects and were asked if we wanted to have them. I turned to my husband with a huge smile and said, “Well, if we found out our baby has Down syndrome we could start celebrating early!” Curious to know the response of the nurse, I asked her what benefits these tests have. I asked her if the results of the test gave any help to the delivery and its safety. She said the findings of these tests tell us about Down syndrome and other birth defects, which really doesn’t affect the delivery process. However, the information helps parents decide if they want to terminate the pregnancy. I was appalled! I turned to my husband and said, “The only reason we would terminate the pregnancy is if the baby’s heart stopped beating.”
Many parents struggle tremendously when they are given news about a baby with a “defect”. I have friends that had a boy with Down syndrome and the initial response from most everybody was, “I’m sorry.” I was one of the only ones who excitedly cheered for them. I have other friends who also had a boy with Down syndrome and they were given a sympathy card by someone.
How could these situations be turned around simply by medical professionals being excited and delivering news in a good light? How much would it change if friends and family would be excited and not disappointed at such news? Think about how people with Down syndrome and other disabilities would feel about themselves if they weren’t told they were “errors”, “defects”, “ abnormal”, “problems”, and at some point in their life worth considered being terminated? No, they may have never been verbally told these things by someone directly, but that is the message they get through our attitudes, our actions, our thoughts, our lack of joy for them. And it all starts in the womb……
I have an app on my phone from The Babycenter. It tells me each day what stage of development our baby is in. It also gives helpful suggestions to help prepare you emotionally and physically. On the 4th week, the topic was the first prenatal visit to the MD. It talked about the "genetic and birth defect history" that is taken and screenings. It explains that these tests inform you about “your baby’s risk for Down syndrome as well as other chromosomal problems and birth defects.” In another place it states, “Many parents-to-be worry that their developing baby may have Down syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality. Screening tests help you assess your baby’s chances of having this kind of problem.” So the first thing I am taught is that having Down syndrome is a “problem”. Further in the article, it continues to talk about “chromosomal abnormality”. It calls them “Biological errors”. Now I am taught that having Down syndrome is an “error”.
It goes on to say, “a woman who conceives a baby with an abnormal number of chromosomes will miscarry, usually early in pregnancy.” Then it says that “Down Syndrome is the most common chromosomal abnormality babies can be born with.” Hmmmm. So if babies developing in the womb with Down Syndrome do not miscarry, maybe they are meant to be born and they are not Biological Errors, problems or abnormal!
I borrowed a medical text book about pregnancy and birth from a friend of mine who is a nurse. Paging through this book that weighs about 12 pounds, I came across a section called “Medical Risks”. It was specifically under a section for mothers over 35. It reads, “The risk of conceiving a child with Down syndrome increases with age”. It went on to talk about the prescreenings for Down syndrome and again states, “increased risk of having a baby with Down syndrome.
So all our medical professionals are taught that having a Down syndrome is a risk, a problem, an error, and abnormal. How do you think the common lay person gets told by these professionals that their child has Down syndrome? In most cases, they are told something like this, “Sorry, to tell you…your baby has Down Syndrome.” And parents begin believing that it is a bad thing.
When we went for our first prenatal visit, the message was clear that having a child with abnormalities was not a good thing. The nurse went through a very extensive family medical history with the majority of the questions asking about these “chromosomal/birth defects”. Is there a history of Down syndrome, mental disabilities, Autism, or other birth defects? We were informed of the many prescreenings we could have to test for these defects and were asked if we wanted to have them. I turned to my husband with a huge smile and said, “Well, if we found out our baby has Down syndrome we could start celebrating early!” Curious to know the response of the nurse, I asked her what benefits these tests have. I asked her if the results of the test gave any help to the delivery and its safety. She said the findings of these tests tell us about Down syndrome and other birth defects, which really doesn’t affect the delivery process. However, the information helps parents decide if they want to terminate the pregnancy. I was appalled! I turned to my husband and said, “The only reason we would terminate the pregnancy is if the baby’s heart stopped beating.”
Many parents struggle tremendously when they are given news about a baby with a “defect”. I have friends that had a boy with Down syndrome and the initial response from most everybody was, “I’m sorry.” I was one of the only ones who excitedly cheered for them. I have other friends who also had a boy with Down syndrome and they were given a sympathy card by someone.
How could these situations be turned around simply by medical professionals being excited and delivering news in a good light? How much would it change if friends and family would be excited and not disappointed at such news? Think about how people with Down syndrome and other disabilities would feel about themselves if they weren’t told they were “errors”, “defects”, “ abnormal”, “problems”, and at some point in their life worth considered being terminated? No, they may have never been verbally told these things by someone directly, but that is the message they get through our attitudes, our actions, our thoughts, our lack of joy for them. And it all starts in the womb……
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