Grow, Expectation, or Counselor Meeting

The title for this blog could be any of those three. This blog post is way overdue. These are my thoughts and what I learned from last summer’s camp season.

At our counselor meetings each week, Little Tony asks what we are going through and what we are learning. With a 6-week-old baby, I did not get to many meetings, but I did get to some. At the last meeting of the last camp I had planned out in my head what I would share. However, it ended up being one of those long meetings where everyone wanted to share. When Tony asked if there was anyone else that wanted to share, I didn’t share in order to let others share and keep the night from going on forever.

Our camp theme for the summer was “Grow”.  So, for four weeks I meditated on that theme and the Lord taught me some things about growth.

This camp was a different camp for me having a 6-week-old baby. Everything was new for me and a bit difficult, too. Our boy, MJ, had what people call Colic. Call it whatever, he was fussy, always wanting to be held and bounced.  MJ also wanted me to stand when I held him; I could never sit. I was exhausted. People supported me as much as possible and would tell me, “Hang in there, Jen.” Then I found myself responding and saying, “He’ll grow out of it.”

That phrase “He’ll grow out of it” lingered in my head for quite awhile, seeing how “Grow” was the theme of the summer. I thought about some of the campers that had some pretty irritating behaviors. I thought about their families and others that are with them daily. Those that don’t get a break with behaviors that never seems to change. I began to understand how they might feel.

Soon, I began to wonder why my boy will “grow out of ” his exhausting and irritating behaviors and why it seems so many people with intellectual disabilities do not. The word “Expectation” came to mind. One reason babies and kids go through phases and grow out of them is because we Expect them to. At some point, they are expected to sleep though the night, wean off the bottle, get rid of their blankets or dolls, stop their whining, etc. If given a choice and nobody expected us to change, we probably all would still engage in those things.

I think people often don’t expect those with intellectual disabilities to grow and change. People will say, “They can’t help it. It’s their disability. They are not capable.” They will let them continue in an inappropriate behavior. They will continue to pick up after them, fix the broken pieces, and let them get away with wrong. They will excuse a behavior and not expect anything different. 

Now, expectation is not the only thing needed to grow and change. My boy did not stop being colicky, simply because I expected him to. I continued to support him and give him the things he needed. I helped remove the things that irritated him. I helped give him the tools he needed to deal with his circumstance. I believe that is another huge piece that is often missing for people with intellectual disabilities. A lot of their emotional, physical and spiritual needs are not met. They are not given the tools needed to deal with life and to grow. They are not expected to grow or change.

So, what I learned was that we all need a community of people around us who can support us, give us the tools we need, be patient with us and EXPECT us to change and grow.